kareina: (Default)
While working to memorize the poem before this weekend's performance as part of the Norrsksenbard contest I have found a number of places where I realized it needed further changes. Most of them are minor, but then there was verse six...

The SCA
 
I'll tell a tale about the SCA
a game we play that honours chivalry
where Pelicans all share their usefulness
and Laurels wonder craft with skilful art
where hearth and hall and folk are welcoming
a perfect blend of dream and history.
 
We value tales they tell of history
within this dream they call the SCA
the bards here make our halls most welcoming
they sing their songs in praise of chivalry
and every breath they share does ring with art
thus they inspire us all to usefulness.
 
Our craftsmen choose their tools for usefulness
making with care items from history
research does fuel the drive to craft our art
and make the gear to play the SCA
these things enhance our deeds of chivalry
and thus the stage we set is welcoming.
 
New people who find us so welcoming
will gladly join in mirth and usefulness
with us they learn the ways of chivalry
the reading that they've done of history
will form the bedrock of their SCA
our new anachronism we fill with art.
 
At feast our cooks serve forth their works of art
good food in plenty, rich and welcoming;
our bellies full, we love the SCA,
and praise our hosts for all their usefulness
their tales we tell go down in history,
all intertwined in dreams of chivalry.
 
For honour, valour, faith and chivalry
ideals we hold and practice as an art
as we all strive to echo history
and form traditions that are welcoming;
the source of ever further usefulness
within the game we call the SCA.
 
For dreams of chivalry call welcoming
all folk who care for art and usefulness
from history we forge the SCA.
 

kareina: (Default)
It is amazing how much improvement can be made on a thing by getting plenty of feedback. I wrote a sestina this summer, to see if I could. On my own the answer was "yes, it is possible to hammer some words more or less into that structure". However, it wasn't very good, and I wasn't very happy with it. Therefore I sent it off to the Mists Bardic College and skyped into one of their meetings for feedback, and the tone of their comments reaffirmed my opinion, but, of course, they had helpful suggestions of things I could do about it.

So I set it aside and did other things for a number of weeks. Then, when I had a chance to catch up on email I discovered that gmail had helpfully filtered a reply from Rian, another member of the Mists Bardic College (who hadn't made it to that meeting), into a seldom opened folder. In that message she had some very good and concrete suggestions on how to fix some of the biggest problems, and this inspired me to take it out and see what could be done. I applied her suggestions and then sent it to the wonderful Kaarina in Aarnimetsä, who had some further good suggestions, so I have worked on it some more. Now I am no longer unhappy with it. Perhaps it could still be improved, but I am much happier with it. Therefore I post it here, and if it changes much before it gets used for the bardic competition next month I can always post it again.
the poem )
(OK, so I might have had a bit too much fun playing with formatting there...)

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kareina

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