kareina

Note: This post is for me thinking thoughts out loud. I intend to discuss these issues with my medical team when I move onto the physical therapy part of my process. I am not specifically interested in advice from other parties, unless you have experience that seems very directly related to what I'm describing.

I've been meaning to post these thoughts for the last week, but honestly the workarounds for posting one-handed mean that after I've worked on the lesbian history blog posts, I am usually done for the day.

Here's the basic problem: I have been very gradually having issues with balance and recovery from almost falling. I've noticed it in processes like getting in and out of boats back when I was doing dragon-boating and I notice it regularly when doing yardwork, especially when I'm on uneven ground or I'm working around the edges of raised beds. I have become very careful on ladders. And as I discussed a couple years ago when I bought my recumbent tricycle, I had several instances where I would stop at a stoplight put my foot down and then have it collapse under me and fall sideways. Very slowly.

Now there are several components involved here. One is the nerve damage in my right leg which means that certain muscles just aren't there for me. If I hit the wrong angle, it's hard to recover automatically. But I also seem to have a constant, if low level, degree of – not quite vertigo - more like not being entirely aligned to gravity. (I've been idly wondering whether there's any relationship between this phenomenon and the tinnitus I've had for the last quarter century.) I'll take a step, especially if I'm turning at the same time, and my body won't realize that I'm not maintaining verticality until I find myself staggering sideways to avoid falling. Separate from this, I've always had problems with not quite knowing where my body is in space. Witness the number of times I've stubbed toes due to not recognizing that there was an object where I was about to put my foot.

Another part of it is that my feet just can't quite move fast enough to catch myself properly when I get off balance. The part of it is just an expected aspect of getting older is that I no longer have the reflexes of a gymnast. I can recall when tripping and falling meant going into a tuck and roll and ending up on my feet again. That doesn't happen anymore. Maybe there are exercises I could do to get some of my flexibility back again. It would be nice to be able to get down onto the ground and back up again without major shenanigans. (As a step in this direction – hopefully without tripping – I've started going to a tai chi class.)

So what can I do in the meantime? I've started organizing a program of learning new reflexes and habits. Some of them will apply only while my arm is still healing, and some are intended to be permanent changes. I'm hoping to find a balance between keeping myself in one piece and not turning into one of *those* old ladies. You know, the ones who move so very carefully all the time.

Temporary measures include things like: Only carry one object at a time. Long-term measures are things like: Always keep my eyes on the ground while walking. Only do one type of movement-related thing at a time. Walking is good, turning is good, try not to walk and turn at the same time. When gardening, do not perform manipulations with plants except when standing still. Do not walk backwards. Carrying something while walking is OK. Complex manipulations like opening and closing doors require first confirming that footing is solid.

Maybe all this sounds a bit over-the-top, but it's based on analyzing past and potential failure points. It's not like I've been falling all the time, and the last time I broke a bone was in the previous millennium. But I have to say that this broken arm has me spooked. And I don't want to go through this on anything resembling a regular basis.

I had a follow up appointment with orthopedics today. Got my previous cast removed – the tech corrected me that it was a splint, not a cast, technically speaking. I guess because it was two solid pieces of plaster that were held together with elastic wrappings but not actually connected. Anyway I got my stitches out and have a lovely Frankenstein–style scar that may trigger interrogations about self-harm for the rest of my life. Then they gave me a lovely new kelly-green fiberglass cast for the interim. It's slightly smaller and much more solid than the previous, but also not quite as heavy, I think. My next appointment is July 2, when they plan to remove the cast. That would be almost exactly 5 weeks from the operation to install the plate. That would mean I'll be cast-free for BayCon, although I don't know if I may still have some removable protective object at that point. After that it will be all about the physical therapy. I'm supposed to be practicing extending and clenching my fingers as much as possible in the meantime.

I also was able to pick up a fancy protective plastic bag to go over my arm so I can take showers. It has a rubberized seal that you stick your arm through, so no dealing with tape and it's reusable. So now I'm off to take my first shower in four weeks.