my first sestina

[kareina]

It is amazing how much improvement can be made on a thing by getting plenty of feedback. I wrote a sestina this summer, to see if I could. On my own the answer was "yes, it is possible to hammer some words more or less into that structure". However, it wasn't very good, and I wasn't very happy with it. Therefore I sent it off to the Mists Bardic College and skyped into one of their meetings for feedback, and the tone of their comments reaffirmed my opinion, but, of course, they had helpful suggestions of things I could do about it.

So I set it aside and did other things for a number of weeks. Then, when I had a chance to catch up on email I discovered that gmail had helpfully filtered a reply from Rian, another member of the Mists Bardic College (who hadn't made it to that meeting), into a seldom opened folder. In that message she had some very good and concrete suggestions on how to fix some of the biggest problems, and this inspired me to take it out and see what could be done. I applied her suggestions and then sent it to the wonderful Kaarina in Aarnimetsä, who had some further good suggestions, so I have worked on it some more. Now I am no longer unhappy with it. Perhaps it could still be improved, but I am much happier with it. Therefore I post it here, and if it changes much before it gets used for the bardic competition next month I can always post it again.

The SCA

I'll tell a tale about the SCA,
a game we play that honours chivalry,
where Pelicans all share their usefulness
and Laurels wonder craft with skillful art,
where hearth and hall and folk are welcoming;
a perfect blend of dream and history.

We value tales they tell of history
within this dream they call the SCA;
the bards here make our halls most welcoming;
they sing their songs in praise of chivalry,
and every breath they share does ring with art;
thus they inspire us all to usefulness.

Our craftsmen choose their tools for usefulness,
making with care items from history;
research does fuel the drive to craft our art
and make the gear to play the SCA;
these things enhance our game of chivalry
and thus the stage we set is welcoming.

New people who find us so welcoming
will gladly join in mirth and usefulness,
with us they learn the ways of chivalry;
the reading that they've done of history
will form the bedrock of their SCA,
our new anachronism we fill with art.

At feast our cooks serve forth their works of art;
good food in plenty, rich and welcoming;
our bellies full, we love the SCA,
and praise our hosts for all their usefulness;
the tales we tell go down in history,
all intertwined in dreams of chivalry.

For honour, valour, faith and chivalry,
ideals we hold and practice as an art;
our daily lives ring strong with history,
our open hearts and arms are welcoming;
such richness can bring only usefulness
to share the game we call the SCA.

For dreams of chivalry call welcoming
all folk who care for art and usefulness;
from history we forge the SCA.

(OK, so I might have had a bit too much fun playing with formatting there...)

Comments

[madbaker]

Nicely done!

[kareina]

Thanks!