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kareinaLast night a concerned individual came to me to let me know that others have been spreading gossip about me. As with all gossip, it turned out to be a blend of outright untruths and 1/4 truths so distorted as to make it difficult to determine upon what kernel of fact they'd once been based. Because my informant was unwilling to reveal the source of the gossip, I am now in the unenviable position of wondering about everyone in the Barony "was it you who would say such hurtful things?" Are stories being spread by people I thought were my friends? Or is it only those persons I don't know very well who are being cruel?
I don't wish to think of anyone in negative terms, and would very much prefer that one and all live up to the ideals of chivalry, courtesy, and honour upon which our organization is based. Please remember that not only is it discourteous to speak ill of someone, it is also a specific requirements of the SCA governing documents that if you have a problem with an individual that you speak *to that individual* about these problems.
It is a very good thing to share good news you hear about your friends. It is a very bad thing to spread hurtful gossip about anyone, be they friend, acquaintance or even foe. Many people, when they feel annoyance about something enjoy "venting" their feelings by talking about them to others. While rarely this is a productive thing in that by talking about what has annoyed them they are able to work past the annoyance and come to a solution, more often such practices instead turn into a building of negative energy, as the first person's words cause their audience to begin to think about things which annoy them, which they share with the first speaker and soon the conversation escalates and each feeds the other's negative energy with more negative energy, and the world becomes that bit more negative than it was.
Therefore I challenge one an all: if you have a problem with someone--be it a minor annoyance, or a major issue--go and talk to the person with whom you have a problem *before* or, better yet, *instead of* speaking to another about it. If you do feel the need to mention something negative about anyone, always find two positive things to say about them--mention one of the positive things before and another after the negative topic. Don't let your conversations increase the negative energy of the world, let them increase the positive.
I don't wish to think of anyone in negative terms, and would very much prefer that one and all live up to the ideals of chivalry, courtesy, and honour upon which our organization is based. Please remember that not only is it discourteous to speak ill of someone, it is also a specific requirements of the SCA governing documents that if you have a problem with an individual that you speak *to that individual* about these problems.
It is a very good thing to share good news you hear about your friends. It is a very bad thing to spread hurtful gossip about anyone, be they friend, acquaintance or even foe. Many people, when they feel annoyance about something enjoy "venting" their feelings by talking about them to others. While rarely this is a productive thing in that by talking about what has annoyed them they are able to work past the annoyance and come to a solution, more often such practices instead turn into a building of negative energy, as the first person's words cause their audience to begin to think about things which annoy them, which they share with the first speaker and soon the conversation escalates and each feeds the other's negative energy with more negative energy, and the world becomes that bit more negative than it was.
Therefore I challenge one an all: if you have a problem with someone--be it a minor annoyance, or a major issue--go and talk to the person with whom you have a problem *before* or, better yet, *instead of* speaking to another about it. If you do feel the need to mention something negative about anyone, always find two positive things to say about them--mention one of the positive things before and another after the negative topic. Don't let your conversations increase the negative energy of the world, let them increase the positive.
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Date: 2008-06-06 12:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-06 01:03 am (UTC)The buck stops here!
Date: 2008-06-06 12:21 am (UTC)Once upon a time, someone came to me with a tale that was rather sordid. At the end of a meeting. With a good number of folks present. They told their tale to all of us, and at the end of it I said, "Hmm, that doesn't sound too good. In fact, it sounds really bad. But, until I hear about these things from the people directly involved, I'm going to ask that you not repeat this, to anyone. It's not our business, it's between those folks, and you need to let them deal with it. Telling the tale all over isn't going to do you, or them, any favors."
The person in question was just shocked. Shocked that I'd say anything along those lines, that I didn't want to discuss the gossip, etc. Time went on, and the parties involved did finally tell their tale. Most of what I had been told by the third party was true. It wasn't a pleasant situation, bad things happened, and I wound up not being very happy with anyone involved. One of the people involved, I still give a rather wide berth.
But to this day, if someone speaks ill of that person in my presence, regardless of how I feel about them, I ask them whether they know of the events themselves, or are just repeating what they've heard, because, friend or foe, I won't let people run amuck telling tales.
It's one thing to warn the unknowing off of a problem you know something about - it's another to cause a problem because you repeat a story you didn't stop to verify the facts on.
Be positive
Date: 2008-06-06 03:30 pm (UTC)As I always used to say - I'd rather have someone talking about me (since I can handle it) then someone who is unable to handle it. But I like your words in your challenge - if you have to talk about anyone, make it positive. If you can't do that, say nothing.
Love you
Mom