It's certainly true that different people can have very different reactions and opinions about others. I have, for example, met people who are very popular and who everyone says good things about and found them insufferable. It depends so much on your own attitudes and personality, plus the circumstances in which you encounter someone.
When I'm forced to get along with someone (when we work together, for example), I try to do what you mention here - find common areas and mostly stick to talking about those. However, there are some people who simply insist on turning the conversation constantly round to the same topics, over and over again, even if they're topics on which you constantly disagree, or on which they're criticising you. In those circumstances, it can be pretty hard not to form a bad opinion of the person and dread encountering them. I think in this instance that you mention, meeting people for the first time in a situation where they're deliberately being hospitable and having them as parents-in-law must show very different aspects of them. If you have a mother-in-law who constantly brings the conversation back around to criticising you, it can't be very easy to enjoy her company.
Personally, I tend to see both the good and bad in people and I do often vent about the bad. For me it's partly a coping mechanism (though at times I just actively enjoy having a bit of a rant!). I'm not a people person, at all, and find most people annoying, tiresome or draining in some way. Getting my issues with them out of my system by talking to other friends or posting on LJ often clears my head and allows me to get on with my relationship with them, without the negative thoughts crowding in.
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Date: 2011-04-15 10:30 am (UTC)When I'm forced to get along with someone (when we work together, for example), I try to do what you mention here - find common areas and mostly stick to talking about those. However, there are some people who simply insist on turning the conversation constantly round to the same topics, over and over again, even if they're topics on which you constantly disagree, or on which they're criticising you. In those circumstances, it can be pretty hard not to form a bad opinion of the person and dread encountering them. I think in this instance that you mention, meeting people for the first time in a situation where they're deliberately being hospitable and having them as parents-in-law must show very different aspects of them. If you have a mother-in-law who constantly brings the conversation back around to criticising you, it can't be very easy to enjoy her company.
Personally, I tend to see both the good and bad in people and I do often vent about the bad. For me it's partly a coping mechanism (though at times I just actively enjoy having a bit of a rant!). I'm not a people person, at all, and find most people annoying, tiresome or draining in some way. Getting my issues with them out of my system by talking to other friends or posting on LJ often clears my head and allows me to get on with my relationship with them, without the negative thoughts crowding in.