I cried all the way to the bank

( There have been strong foreshadowing of some sort of change in my living situation for ages )

More recently Caroline and David have been doing a little house-hunting. The apartment she was renting was scheduled to do some renovations, during which time she would need to move to a temporary apartment in the same complex. She didn't like the idea of moving twice, and she was coming towards the end of her second Bachelor's degree (computer science this time, since she never found permanent work as a biologist), and thinking that it might be nice to buy a house. However, while they saw a few places come up that were interesting enough to go look at, all of them sold for rather more than they were willing to pay, and so she wound up moving to the temporary apartment. However, this time she said that David wasn't moving with her--his accumulated stress of not living with his stuff had gotten to be a bit much, and so he, and his computer, were to move back to the house. Meanwhile they continued to do house hunting, and David occasionally asked me if I would let him buy my half of the house.

Sadly for him I had zero interest in selling my half of the house. I love this place very much, and, in the nine years since we bought it, I have never seen another house for sale with the same plus points as this one (2.5 hectares of land, but still in walking distance to the uni, way more black currants and nettles than I can possibly eat (though, believe me, I try), and plenty of other yummy berries, a nearby forest for walks, deer that wander by the house daily, etc. etc. etc.). I also love living in Luleå--the weather suits me, the SCA is wonderful, folk dance community is great, my gaming friends are delightful. It is, by far, my favourite place I have ever lived. Why should I ever leave?

However, I was only working half time, and didn't want to go full time while trying to finish up the second PhD project. The first time David and Caroline went to look at a house for sale I did check in with a friend in the states who retired well, and she said that she'd be willing to buy David's half of the house if David moved out, so I had a plan B. But the months slipped by and soon another year had elapsed without them finding anything they wanted to buy, and I mostly didn't think about the fact that the situation was unstable. Why should I? I was living in a place I love, and friends I love and kinda share the house with sometimes came out to do stuff here, and sometimes didn't, and either way I was happy. Only occasionally, when he spoke of his stress, did I remember it, and wonder how everything would resolve.

Then this winter I fell in love with Keldor. It took until this spring before I realized that it was mutual and we wound up getting together. That created so many more complications, since his partner of 30 years did not cope with it at all (though it took her months to decide that he isn't going to stop loving me just because she wants him to and decide to end things with him). After they split I discussed with him the possibility of him moving in with me here. It is, in theory, possible--the company he works for has a Luleå branch, about a five minute drive from my house, and he could likely get a transfer.

However, his aging father isn't doing so well since his mom died last November, and even before he and M split he dropped by most days to see if his dad needs anything and run errands for him, and would often sleep over at his dad's (which is in Skelleftehamn, about a five minute drive from where he works) instead of doing the 30 minute drive out to the house he shares with M, especially if he wanted to work on armour, which he prefers to do in the workshop at work, since they have EVERYTHING in the way of labour saving devices (he can make a helmet amazingly fast). So he isn't inclined to move away from his dad while his dad needs help (his siblings both live in southern Sweden, and thus aren't available for the day to day stuff). He also wants to continue to be available to help out M as needed--she doesn't have a driver's licence, so even basic errands need help, even on her better days health-wise.

Besides, given what the Luleå housing market looks like today, the value of this house has gone up so much that Keldor and I aren't really in a position to be able to afford to buy David out. However, now that Caroline has graduated and her internship progressed into a "real job" they are in a financial position to be able to buy me out. David's been suggesting this as a possibility pretty much from when he found out that Keldor and I were together--I could go live with Keldor, and he could buy the house from me.

I ignored the suggestion for most of the spring, since I was planning on spending the summer in Norway for that summer job at the Viking museum after my short term contract with the Archives ended, and I figured that my future self could worry about what happens after that later, but that David could enjoy the house to himself for the summer (which was about the same time that Caroline was moving to the temporary apartment, so the timing was perfect. Except that it wasn't, since the borders were closed, and I couldn't go to Norway.

So that left me with no job, but lots to do to wrap up the paper I am working on for my degree. Ideally I should have focused on writing, and not worried about work, since I had more than enough in savings to cover a year or more. But not enough to buy the house if David found one he wanted to buy. Also, I wanted to spend more time with Keldor--we spend an awful lot of time together in person given that we live two to 2.5 hours away from one another, and spend even more time in zoom or on the phone.

Since they don't own the house he and M have been living in (his brother does--they moved in when his brother moved south around a year ago, with the plan of later buying it from his brother) it is unclear what will happen with the house. He doesn't yet know if M even wants to keep living there (she still isn't ready to talk about what will happen--she is still trying to process what has happened), and he isn't certain if he wants to keep living there or not. There are some serious advantages with it (a fair bit more land than this place, a large house with lots of outbuildings, fruit trees, a pretty area) and some serious disadvantages (half hour commute, one of the outbuildings had its roof collapse and all the buildings are in need of some serious renovations, which aren't happening now that he spends his free time with me, and she doesn't want me out there (if she was ok with my being there we would have spent the summer working on that house together)).

Therefore I started looking to see what is available for sale in his area, mostly for idle curiosity, at first. I certainly wasn't going to move, I love where I am at. But, just in case, I contacted my former boss at the archives and let her know that my summer job fell through, and she replied saying that she had the budget to hire me for the summer at 50%, and was I interested. Of course I was! Since I wouldn't be bleeding savings over the summer, I looked now and then to see what was available for sale, and David and I started talking more seriously "if one of us buys the other out, what is a fair price?"

One of the houses for sale, about 45 minutes inland of where Keldor works, was so cute, and had such a reasonable asking price (750,000 SEK, which, at today's rate is $85,437 or €73,885) we went out to have a look. The property was big and beautiful, with an amazing garden and a fair bit of forest and lots of lawn (that had probably once been a field). The house was cute, the outbuildings plentiful. But there was only one toilet, and the house itself, whilst cute, was also small--I didn't see anywhere one could keep the SCA clothes or the pavilion. There wasn't a room big enough for acroyoga or dance. Nope, not interested. However, others were, and it was fascinating to watch the bidding go crazy. It eventually sold for 1,300,000 SEK. Seeing that, plus seeing how much the things that David and Caroline had looked at in Luleå eventually sold for (also way over asking price) we started revising upwards what figure we should base our potential buy-out value, if one of us were to buy the other out of the house.

More recently we saw another cute house, much closer to where Keldor works (in fact in between where he works and the house he and M currently share), which had an asking price of 550,000 SEK, so we had a look (that being pretty much how much cash I would wind up with if I were to sell my half of this house after accounting for how much loan is still left). Really cute house, plenty of room, plenty of land. Good view. No flush toilets at all, only one indoor waste-burning toilet and one outhouse, and only a wood stove for heat. Still, at that price I might have considered buying it, getting a mortgage for about half of that, and using the rest of my cash to put in toilets and heating. However, I didn't consider it so much as to actually investigate how much it would actually cost for toilets and heating. Before my thoughts got that far the bidding war started, and it wound up selling for 1,040,000 SEK.

We didn't bid at all. While my summer half-time contract at the archives got extended to a nine-month 80% time job, that is still temporary, and thus not the best position to be in when asking for a mortgage on one's own, and he and I can't buy a house together until his divorce actually happens (while the process has started, it takes time).

However, seeing that there are cute properties I could consider buying in Västerbotten that, while they are selling for well over asking price, are still less than half what things are selling for in the Luleå area made me more receptive to letting David buy me out. Especially when one considers that if I delay long enough he might find a place he is willing to buy, at which point I would face a choice of buying him out, or both of us selling it to a stranger on the open market. I can't afford to buy him out, and I really don't want this wonderful place going to a stranger.

Eventually I decided that I would play it safe, and let him buy me out. We did that a week ago. Caroline bought 2/5ths of my half of the house, and David bought the rest (which means that the house is 1/5th hers now). Even though the trip to the bank to do the paperwork meant that I would be getting more money than I have ever had at once, I was still sad enough to be losing my wonderful home that I cried all the way to the bank. Only a little--I had to drive, since he was listening to a work meeting, which ended about the time we arrived. While we were there we closed out the joint bank accounts, and transferred all of the money where it should go. It was kinda cool to log into internet banking as I sat there, and see how much money really had appeared in my account.

I told Keldor that I had cried all the way to the bank, and he said that he wished he could give me a hug to comfort me. Then he asked if I wanted him to come up. I said yes, and he did. It is amazing how comforting the hug of a loved one can be.

That was Thursday last week, so he took Friday off, and relaxed here while I worked Friday morning, then we drove together to Höstdansen (which I hope I will do a post about, since it was a fun event, but in the meantime you can read his here (it is in Swedish, but google translate does an ok job with it, mostly).

In the short term not much changes. I continue to live here, but now I am paying rent instead of half of the house bills (which means my cost of living has gone down a bit). I have started slowly packing up my stuff. Once I get it all out of the common areas so that I am only occupying one room, then my rent will get cut in half (talk about motivation to pack!). In the meantime we continue to look at possible houses, but I have no idea where or when I will be moving. Just that I will be...