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Mom’s last days
As I mentioned in my post on Saturday, 2 Dec, I took the night shift in mom’s room that night, but the next day when my aunt and sisters were able to come in I went back to Beth’s house, where the vague hint of sniffles I had been having suddenly blossomed into real sniffles and a drippy, very red nose, so instead of going back in that night I went to bed early and slept 8 hours, and Beth took the slumber party with mom shift. When I got up the next morning (Sunday) my sisters reported about mom’s craving for lemon cookies, and I baked her some (about which I have already posted). However, because I still had a cold, I didn’t bring them to her myself, my sisters brought them in to her. By Monday afternoon I was feeling better, so I joined my friend Martin for dinner at an Indian Restaurant, and then he dropped me off at the hospital, where my sisters and aunt were just getting ready to head home. After saying goodbye to them mom and I had a good talk. She told me she loved the cookies, even though she couldn’t eat much of them. Then she commented that she sure wished she had some good words of wisdom for me, and I pointed out that she has been giving me good words of wisdom my entire life, and I started sharing a lists of things I felt that she has taught me. Each one I mentioned got her to smile. During that conversation she wondered, yet again, why she wasn’t dead yet (I don’t know, mom) and reminded me that she has had a good life and is ready to go.
A bit later she told me that she could see her mother, baking bread. I asked, and the kitchen in which her mother was baking was the one in the house in which mom grew up. I asked if grandma used to let her help with bread baking when mom was little (yes), and if grandma will let her help now (not yet). Soon thereafter the nurse came in with more cough medicine for her, and then she had me lower her bed tilt to a sleeping position and she put on her CPAP machine for the night. I did my yoga, and lay down to get some sleep myself. An hour later we were disturbed when a nurse came in for something, but we both went straight back to sleep. Then there was 45 minutes of sleep before the next interruption, followed by 1 hour and 20 minutes of sleep, and then three whole hours of sleep, which got us to 05:00, and instead of just going right back to sleep I got up and we talked a bit more, and I gave her some apple juice. She didn’t want any breakfast, commenting that she wished that she were hungry. She asked if anyone else was there, and when I said it was just she and I she asked again to confirm “just you and I?”. When I said yes she closed her eyes and settled back against the pillows like she wanted to nap again. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel for sleeping, so I picked up my computer and started doing stuff.
A bit later she made an odd sound, that didn’t sound like the coughing she had been plagued with for the past couple of days. The sound was disturbing enough I almost set down the computer and went over to check to see if she was ok. But then I remembered that she wanted to die, and it occurred to me that if this sound was related to her dying, and I interrupted her, and she didn’t die, she wouldn’t be very happy with me. So I stayed where I was, and she quited back down. I looked up to see if I could see any sign of her breathing, and before I could decide if I did or didn’t, her phone rang. She didn’t respond to the phone ringing, nor to my standing up to walk over to the phone, getting there just as the phone quit ringing. (I hadn’t recognised the name on the screen, so I wouldn’t have answered it anyway, especially at just that moment). Just then the nurse came into the room and asked how she was doing. I put in my hearing aids and told him that I couldn’t hear well enough to tell if she was breathing. He commented that as long as her chest was going up and down then she was still breathing, and I pointed out that previously her chest had been moving huge amounts up and down, but now it wasn’t. So he went over and looked closely at her, and then said that he would go and fetch the doctor.
While he was gone I called my sister. No answer. I called Amber. No answer. I called Kirsty (at 08:43). She answered just as the nurse returned with the doctor. I said “mom’s not breathing”, and Kirsty said they’d come right in, and quickly hung up so that they could finish getting ready. The doctor confirmed that mom was gone, and I reminded her that mom wanted to donate her organs, so they were welcome to take her to wherever that happens straight away. She said that it isn’t something they need to really rush, that they rush when there is a heart available for transplant, but mom’s has been too weak for that, and she left to start whatever paperwork etc. needed to happen next, and I set to work packing up our stuff and tidying the room. By the time my family arrived I had all of our stuff organised, packed into bags, and ready to go, save for the Christmas lights, which I took down after they got there and we all exchanged hugs.
One of the nurses gave us a packet of useful information about what needs doing after a loved one dies and we took the time to thank all of the staff that were present for their kindness to mom brightening her last days. Then we went home and had a meeting to plan out what we want to do, and when. Then we wrote up a thank you card for the staff and took it, and some chocolate, back to the hospital and I brought it in. The nurse on duty at the ICU entry desk was one of the ones we had spent lots of time talking with over the last few days, and she greeted me with “you guys aren’t still here are you?”. I explained that we had been home and were now on our way to Greenlake to take a walk, but we wanted to bring them the card and candy, and she promised to share with the others.
I hope that was the last time that any of us need enter an ICU ward, at least for a very, very long time.
A bit later she told me that she could see her mother, baking bread. I asked, and the kitchen in which her mother was baking was the one in the house in which mom grew up. I asked if grandma used to let her help with bread baking when mom was little (yes), and if grandma will let her help now (not yet). Soon thereafter the nurse came in with more cough medicine for her, and then she had me lower her bed tilt to a sleeping position and she put on her CPAP machine for the night. I did my yoga, and lay down to get some sleep myself. An hour later we were disturbed when a nurse came in for something, but we both went straight back to sleep. Then there was 45 minutes of sleep before the next interruption, followed by 1 hour and 20 minutes of sleep, and then three whole hours of sleep, which got us to 05:00, and instead of just going right back to sleep I got up and we talked a bit more, and I gave her some apple juice. She didn’t want any breakfast, commenting that she wished that she were hungry. She asked if anyone else was there, and when I said it was just she and I she asked again to confirm “just you and I?”. When I said yes she closed her eyes and settled back against the pillows like she wanted to nap again. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel for sleeping, so I picked up my computer and started doing stuff.
A bit later she made an odd sound, that didn’t sound like the coughing she had been plagued with for the past couple of days. The sound was disturbing enough I almost set down the computer and went over to check to see if she was ok. But then I remembered that she wanted to die, and it occurred to me that if this sound was related to her dying, and I interrupted her, and she didn’t die, she wouldn’t be very happy with me. So I stayed where I was, and she quited back down. I looked up to see if I could see any sign of her breathing, and before I could decide if I did or didn’t, her phone rang. She didn’t respond to the phone ringing, nor to my standing up to walk over to the phone, getting there just as the phone quit ringing. (I hadn’t recognised the name on the screen, so I wouldn’t have answered it anyway, especially at just that moment). Just then the nurse came into the room and asked how she was doing. I put in my hearing aids and told him that I couldn’t hear well enough to tell if she was breathing. He commented that as long as her chest was going up and down then she was still breathing, and I pointed out that previously her chest had been moving huge amounts up and down, but now it wasn’t. So he went over and looked closely at her, and then said that he would go and fetch the doctor.
While he was gone I called my sister. No answer. I called Amber. No answer. I called Kirsty (at 08:43). She answered just as the nurse returned with the doctor. I said “mom’s not breathing”, and Kirsty said they’d come right in, and quickly hung up so that they could finish getting ready. The doctor confirmed that mom was gone, and I reminded her that mom wanted to donate her organs, so they were welcome to take her to wherever that happens straight away. She said that it isn’t something they need to really rush, that they rush when there is a heart available for transplant, but mom’s has been too weak for that, and she left to start whatever paperwork etc. needed to happen next, and I set to work packing up our stuff and tidying the room. By the time my family arrived I had all of our stuff organised, packed into bags, and ready to go, save for the Christmas lights, which I took down after they got there and we all exchanged hugs.
One of the nurses gave us a packet of useful information about what needs doing after a loved one dies and we took the time to thank all of the staff that were present for their kindness to mom brightening her last days. Then we went home and had a meeting to plan out what we want to do, and when. Then we wrote up a thank you card for the staff and took it, and some chocolate, back to the hospital and I brought it in. The nurse on duty at the ICU entry desk was one of the ones we had spent lots of time talking with over the last few days, and she greeted me with “you guys aren’t still here are you?”. I explained that we had been home and were now on our way to Greenlake to take a walk, but we wanted to bring them the card and candy, and she promised to share with the others.
I hope that was the last time that any of us need enter an ICU ward, at least for a very, very long time.