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because M asked
Last night my friend M asked what I had planned for the evening, and I replied that I would talk with D & C. M replied (in Swedish), that it sounded like a nice evening, and offered good wishes that it be so. Hours later I replied (in Swedish) that part of the evening was nice, but another was stressful, but we three had talked, and now understood what/how it happened, and how we might be able to avoid similar situations in the future.
This morning I woke to find a message saying Vad är källan till all stress i vad som borde vara en lugn och avslappnande stund?, so I answered it. The below is the (as yet unedited) text that I typed into the phone chat window.
The source appears to be a fundamental difference between the way Caroline and I approach things. I'm often impulsive, especially if I think of something that would be wise to do I like to accomplish it promptly, before motivation is lost or I forget. It turns out that she perfers to ponder things and take them slowly, thinking about whether or not the idea really is a good one before putting it into action.
In last night's case this expressed itself thusly:
She commented that it was a shame that my apprentice in the SCA (and Master's Student in real life), Evelina didn't make it over to visit as planned earlier in the day, as C would have liked to to have asked E about the summer job E had last year (giving tours in the church village in Gammelstad) and where she heard about it/to whom one should send a cv. This made me think of Mia, one of the peoplein charge of the Open Air Museum at Hägnan, with whom I am connected on FB since she helped me get my "welcome to being a Swedish citizen commerative pin and wooden flag on a stick" during the Nationaldag celebration at her park, where I was performing Swedish folk dance, rather than at the park in the city center with all of the other local new Swedes.
Just then David's brother called, and I suggested that while we wait for him I could type a quick introduction to Mia in a chat message, and C said she wanted to fnish cleaning up after dinner first, which seemed totally reasonable to me, since that is the order in which I would prioritise it, too.
When that was done he was still on the phone, so I went to my computer (and she to hers) and started typing a draft of a note, in Swedish (since my first contact with Mia was to ask about the Swedish citizen thing, I always write to her in Swedish). When I was done I called her over, asking if it said what I thought it did and if she wanted to change what I had said about her.
She didn't come over straight away, so I repeated myself, and then I noticed that David had managed to re-attach the metal plate to the tredle sewing machine that I had tried and failed to fix this morning. So I started using the machine for the project I had wanted to do hours before, but couldn't till that part was back where it belonged.
Then she came over and looked at what I'd typed and pointed out an error in what I had said about her prior work experience(sounding a bit annoyed, but not enough for me to stress about), and I suggested that she simply edit it to make it right.
However, unlike my normal habit of typing such things in Word and copy-pasteing it into the chat when happy with it, I had typed in the FB chat window, which happened to have been left in the "press enter to send" mode.
She went to type her corrections and hit the enter key, so it sent, which stressed her, and slightly embarrassed me, but no big deal, so I typed in English something about "sorry, accidentally hit enter when trying to fix where she had worked, and she typed (in Swedish) the correct info, and I sent that, and I returned to the seam in progress.
Then I noticed that David was off the phone and at his computer (no idea how log he had been there), so I asked (while still stitching, so looking at my work) if he was ready to join us yet. He didn't reply promptly, so I tried asking a couple more times (hearing impaired people tend to assume no answer = didn't hear question, and thus repeat themselves). After several no replies I got frustrated at the lack of response and asked if he had changed his mind on the evening plans (as I finished the seam and turned to look at him).
Then he started complaining about the atmosphere in the room, which confused me, and I said so. So he clarifed that he was having a reaction to the way I had stressed out Caroline, which really confused me, since, from my perspective, I had just been helpful, and I went into "rapid mode" trying to explain that I was only being helpful and express my confusion about what stress all at once. This triggered him to snap at me to shut up and listen, and he looked upset enough to want to break something (which meant that I actually noticed), and I promptly fell into tears. He presented his view of the situation, which included Caroline showing her stress reaction (withdrawing from a situation) early on, and I became more upset to discover that my attempts to help were met with stress on her part and annoyance on his, so I took a break to clean some stuff (there are two easy ways to calm me when upset--I can clean something, or someone (even the person at whom I am upset) can pet me in a soothing manner).
Once I calmed down and came back she explained that she interpreted my suggestion of effective use of time as "Now, now, now!!!", something she always finds stressful, which is why she went to her computer, to withdraw from the stress.
After talking about it she has agreed to tell me to slow down if something similar comes up again, since my enthusiasm to carry out an idea promptly means that I might not notice her stress. (I guess that as one with high empathy you probably would never not notice her stress , but I am one that needs to actively look to notice another's negative reaction when I am focused on a positive)
That was, perhaps more information than you were looking for, since I exceeded the max character count of the window. But you asked, and there is value to me in typing up a summary (I work well with external processing).
In general you should never ask me a question to which you don't want to know the answer, as I will answer questions, even ones that make me or others uncomfortable to answer, and my too much information threshold is high.
This morning I woke to find a message saying Vad är källan till all stress i vad som borde vara en lugn och avslappnande stund?, so I answered it. The below is the (as yet unedited) text that I typed into the phone chat window.
The source appears to be a fundamental difference between the way Caroline and I approach things. I'm often impulsive, especially if I think of something that would be wise to do I like to accomplish it promptly, before motivation is lost or I forget. It turns out that she perfers to ponder things and take them slowly, thinking about whether or not the idea really is a good one before putting it into action.
In last night's case this expressed itself thusly:
She commented that it was a shame that my apprentice in the SCA (and Master's Student in real life), Evelina didn't make it over to visit as planned earlier in the day, as C would have liked to to have asked E about the summer job E had last year (giving tours in the church village in Gammelstad) and where she heard about it/to whom one should send a cv. This made me think of Mia, one of the peoplein charge of the Open Air Museum at Hägnan, with whom I am connected on FB since she helped me get my "welcome to being a Swedish citizen commerative pin and wooden flag on a stick" during the Nationaldag celebration at her park, where I was performing Swedish folk dance, rather than at the park in the city center with all of the other local new Swedes.
Just then David's brother called, and I suggested that while we wait for him I could type a quick introduction to Mia in a chat message, and C said she wanted to fnish cleaning up after dinner first, which seemed totally reasonable to me, since that is the order in which I would prioritise it, too.
When that was done he was still on the phone, so I went to my computer (and she to hers) and started typing a draft of a note, in Swedish (since my first contact with Mia was to ask about the Swedish citizen thing, I always write to her in Swedish). When I was done I called her over, asking if it said what I thought it did and if she wanted to change what I had said about her.
She didn't come over straight away, so I repeated myself, and then I noticed that David had managed to re-attach the metal plate to the tredle sewing machine that I had tried and failed to fix this morning. So I started using the machine for the project I had wanted to do hours before, but couldn't till that part was back where it belonged.
Then she came over and looked at what I'd typed and pointed out an error in what I had said about her prior work experience(sounding a bit annoyed, but not enough for me to stress about), and I suggested that she simply edit it to make it right.
However, unlike my normal habit of typing such things in Word and copy-pasteing it into the chat when happy with it, I had typed in the FB chat window, which happened to have been left in the "press enter to send" mode.
She went to type her corrections and hit the enter key, so it sent, which stressed her, and slightly embarrassed me, but no big deal, so I typed in English something about "sorry, accidentally hit enter when trying to fix where she had worked, and she typed (in Swedish) the correct info, and I sent that, and I returned to the seam in progress.
Then I noticed that David was off the phone and at his computer (no idea how log he had been there), so I asked (while still stitching, so looking at my work) if he was ready to join us yet. He didn't reply promptly, so I tried asking a couple more times (hearing impaired people tend to assume no answer = didn't hear question, and thus repeat themselves). After several no replies I got frustrated at the lack of response and asked if he had changed his mind on the evening plans (as I finished the seam and turned to look at him).
Then he started complaining about the atmosphere in the room, which confused me, and I said so. So he clarifed that he was having a reaction to the way I had stressed out Caroline, which really confused me, since, from my perspective, I had just been helpful, and I went into "rapid mode" trying to explain that I was only being helpful and express my confusion about what stress all at once. This triggered him to snap at me to shut up and listen, and he looked upset enough to want to break something (which meant that I actually noticed), and I promptly fell into tears. He presented his view of the situation, which included Caroline showing her stress reaction (withdrawing from a situation) early on, and I became more upset to discover that my attempts to help were met with stress on her part and annoyance on his, so I took a break to clean some stuff (there are two easy ways to calm me when upset--I can clean something, or someone (even the person at whom I am upset) can pet me in a soothing manner).
Once I calmed down and came back she explained that she interpreted my suggestion of effective use of time as "Now, now, now!!!", something she always finds stressful, which is why she went to her computer, to withdraw from the stress.
After talking about it she has agreed to tell me to slow down if something similar comes up again, since my enthusiasm to carry out an idea promptly means that I might not notice her stress. (I guess that as one with high empathy you probably would never not notice her stress , but I am one that needs to actively look to notice another's negative reaction when I am focused on a positive)
That was, perhaps more information than you were looking for, since I exceeded the max character count of the window. But you asked, and there is value to me in typing up a summary (I work well with external processing).
In general you should never ask me a question to which you don't want to know the answer, as I will answer questions, even ones that make me or others uncomfortable to answer, and my too much information threshold is high.